living foreva - the genesis story

I've been talking about starting a blog for a long time.  

jumping in, risking bruises and glory.  lifetime goal: get a better vertical.  

But I've been struggling with self-doubt. 

After spending years saying I should probably do it, a few months of actively considering what "my voice" was going to be, and not getting any closer I decided to just. go. for. it.  

In my daily life something I'm trying to practice is to openly and unabashedly commit to what I do (work in progress, for sure.)  For example, for a long time I would post something on social media and couch it with "I know this is vain, but..." but the thing is, I'm doing it.  Vain or self-aggrandizing, or showing-off, I'm posting it anyway, so why say something bad about it first?  So I'm doing it.  I'm writing this blog.

I had to edit this post about 15 times to try and remove all self-depreciating comments I wrote into it.  - does this count as another one? 

The next part is I'm still not really sure what this blog is about, other than me.  It's about crafting and cooking, and getting dressed up, and house decor, and throwing parties, but another piece is going to be about social justice and political rants and opinions, even if it's just at the end of a long commentary about these new curls I'm trying out.  Because that's who I am.  I care a lot about all sorts of things.  There is most definitely going to be some twists and turns as I sort out what my voice in the blogosphere is going to be.

I'm an intense worrier and a mild perfectionist and so this is a little scary.  But I'm also a little wild, I fall down a lot, I'm covered in bruises physical and emotional most of the time, and I've been known to just jump off into the unknown without a plan.  

this is me.    

I usually feel like I'm a conundrum I can't quite get a hold of.  I'm made up of opposites but not oppositions.

I'm a gender rights activist and world traveler, who loves to talk endlessly about my hair and eat at the same restaurants every week. 

I like masculine lines and glitter, and I'm aggressive and pushy, and I like chick flicks and crying to sentimental music. I like to dance and I don't care who watches me, and I'm painfully shy.  I hate it when everyone stops what they're doing and looks at me, and I love throwing parties for myself.  

milkmaid braids and a kurta and a blue wall in jodphur is my happy place

I'm passionate about supporting vulnerable populations and believe everyone should have equal rights and I can be catty and judgey.  I'm friendly and I rub people the wrong way.  

I'm a creative scientist who has been known to make excel spreadsheets at parties, but I can't organize a binder. I like to drink beer and eat pizza and follow that with nachos and chocolate, and I like to workout and eat kale.

I've been told, "the more I get to know you the less sense you make."

Nonsensical or not I think this blog is going to be amazing.  

I'm committed.  This blog is worth reading and I'm worth getting to know.